Thursday, November 7, 2013

Ford follies continued - that's what fear can do

Re-reading my last post about Mayor Ford, I realized how 'judgey' it sounded. I don't want to pile on anymore. There's been more than enough ridicule, angry editorials, vitriol (and some praise/support) by people not just in Toronto, but world wide (hooray - sarcastic). Comedians are once again having a field day with him, and now a deeply sad video was just released today of an extremely drunk mayor going absolutely stark raving mad.

It sucks that we have to watch this long, drawn-out plane crash. It sucks that we are powerless to do anything about it, whether it's to remove him from office or force him to go to rehab. What sucks the most is that this is all about fear. Fear destroys you. It stops you from becoming the person you can be. You hide behind it because it's a protective barrier. Fear makes you think think "If I tell the truth about myself, will people still love me or hate me?" Will I be judged? Will I succeed or fail? What if they find out who I really am? Will I end up being alone?" That's what fear can do, an endless cycle of self imposed judgements and God does it ever hurt. I think the Mayor is well aware of what fear can do. Look at him and what he's doing on and off-camera, and you tell me that's not partly based on fear.

I hate that his problems make some of us out there feel better about ourselves. I hate that he had to lie about himself and his actions, and is hell bent on self destruction. But we often hate what we see in ourselves, don't we. I've seen this self-degradation before, maybe not on a national forum like Mr. Ford, but right in the mirror. I remember the years before I came out. I remember the lies, the covering up, the anger, depression and tears, the drinking and drugs. I remember all of it. I faced those fears. It was not easy, it never is, but I'm glad I did.

I still think he should resign. I just hope he's really reaches that point where he can be honest about his fears and face them before it's really too late.

And that will suck for all of us.

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