Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Definitive Top Ten List of Ridiculousness - *update!

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The overwhelming need to express what irritates us is what humans do best. No matter what format - written, oral or illustrative form, our ability to chronicle and provide humorous responses to what could be gag-suppressing, eye-rolling, and head-smacking events, can be the best coping method to living in what is an increasingly bizarre and crazy world.

That is why lists, particularly humorous ones - and in this case, food and lifestyle irritants, have become so widespread. You can poke fun at things in short form, while simultaneously provoking conversation that says perhaps yes, that really was a ridiculous person, thing or event.

So without further ado, and in no particular order, introducing my top ten list of things, or should I say grievances, that seemed to have moved past from mere ridiculous, to utter ridiculousness.

1. Vocal fry: Stop it boys, girls and some adults. Please. Just stop. And if you're not sure what 'vocal fry' is, look it up, listen to examples and trust me, you'll understand the need for a 'fry' ban.
2. Men - Socks and sandals: It is STILL happening out there. Why guys? Why must you perpetuate this look? The epitome of dorky.
3. Women - long t-shirts or sweatshirts, leggings and running shoes: There must be a reason this look is popular outside of the gym - where it belongs. And please do not tell me it's about comfort.
4. Standing in line for the latest hot 'whatever': Japanese cheesecake, some designer boots or the most up to date IPhone. Really? Is it really worth standing in line? Really? Not rhetorical. I really, sincerely want to know.
5. Dogs wearing clothes of any kind: I tear up a little each time I see the humiliation of some poor dog wearing canine gear from last season.
6. Sriracha: Stupidly overrated condiment, chuck it in the bin. Want a serious treat for your palate? Try 'Koji' - you won't be sorry.
7. Guy Fieri: Stupidly popular that defies logic. BUT. Whatever it is he's doing, he's doing it well so I ain't mad at him.
8. Donald Trump: Tiresome, depressing and sadly resonating with more people than you think.
9. Burger wars: A ridiculous waste of energy and time.
10. Kale: How this inedible plant was ever introduced into our collective diets is beyond me. No matter if it is braised, pureed or eaten raw, it is absutely awful. Just go away kale. Far, far away.

Admit it, was that not fun to read? I'll confess that I thoroughly enjoyed writing that list.

Alright sure, I felt slightly curmudgeon-like while writing it out, but I look at this list as the equivalent to a good cleanse. Every once and a while, you just need to clean out the mental system of annoyances and perceived grievances in order to keep the creative process running smoothly. Right?

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